Rebuilding Me: Reminding myself in moments of annoyance to remain grateful.

December 6th, 2013

It seems like when I’m really focused on something, every negative thing that could happen in regards to that particular focus does in fact happen.

I’ve recently started to focus more on the little things life has to offer in hopes that I can become more appreciative of what I have rather than be consumed with what it is that I lack. It’s more of a daily exercise that I do multiple times a day. All it really consists of is me putting myself into a place of reflection and self-evaluation. I ask myself questions like: What am I thankful for? What reasons do I have to smile? What am I working towards? How far have I come? What am I about to do? These questions seem to completely change my atmosphere. Especially when I’m in a state of annoyance.

I woke up on time this morning. I did my usual praying and thinking about the things that I am so happy to get a chance to experience again today. You know, like life? I text my grandmother, got in the shower and then laid back down. I got lost in my thoughts and before I knew it I was running late for work. I immediately got mad at myself because I hate to be late. I then remembered that I needed to go to the bank. I threw on anything, rushed out the door and into a slight drizzle. I was cool on that though because I’d grabbed my umbrella before leaving my room. I got to the train station in just enough time to catch the train before the doors closed. I started doing the exercise I mentioned earlier and the tightness in my chest began to subside. That was until a woman got on the train with a puff-puff jacket that made her two times wider than she actually is.

Now get this, I wasn’t upset at the jacket more so than I was at her deciding to SQUEEZE into a space fit for only a toddler between myself and another woman. She offered neither an “excuse me” or a greeting. Wtf? Had she not recognized that she invaded the personal bubble of not one but two people? Of course not and her being inconsiderate annoyed me.

Oh well. Moving on.

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#OOTD December 3rd 2013: Mix & Match Patterns

December 3rd, 2013

Hat: HM
Shirt: JCrew – Thrifted
Pants: Unknown Thrifted
Socks: Century 21 (Navy Blue – although you can’t see here).
Boots: Zara

*Fun fact: The pants were $14 dollars and were originally parachute pants. I took them to my tailor who took them in and bam. Here you go. I definitely should’ve done a before and after picture. The transformation was dope.

No Shave November 2013 is Over!

December 1st, 2013

Day 29: Going into 2014 I will…?

November 29th, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

Going into 2014 I will eat less Popeyes and actually cook more. I’ve said that for some time now but I’m serious. Since moving to New York my eating habits have been horrible. I read an article the other day that spoke to treating your body well as it is the vehicle to everything required of your life. At least that’s what I took from it and I totally get it! I’ve been thinking about the goals I have yet to meet. I want to be someone’s husband and a father to my future children. I want to live a life where I can be around long enough to witness grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. I see people in their 60s and 70s looking and acting 20 years less than those ages and many of them attribute that to a great diet, exercise and low stress levels. Actually – those are three of the main things I wish to go into and stick with for 2014. I think I can do it too because the reason I’m not now is all mental. I’m really going to have to put the time in to break bad habits by replacing them with newer and better ones that I stick to consistently.

I’m also going to be more open to life and the possibility of love. I’ve talked myself into believing that I’m one of those people who are destined to be alone for the rest of their life because their assignment places them at a disadvantage. Trash.

I’ve been worried about the wrong thing.

Love, like everything else, happens how and when it is supposed to – and once I dive more into myself and stop comparing my life and all of my haves and have-nots to those of others my age, I’ll get what I rightfully deserve.

Hmm. What else? I’m working on a mindset that is more free going into 2014. 2013 has proved to me that I’m equipped to handle anything I choose to and there is power in recognizing that. Maybe I can finally stop being my own worst enemy.

Day 28: What are you thankful for |Thanksgiving 2013.

November 28th, 2013

Time is going by so fast and I’m flipping out about it. I mean, I get it that we get older and time is against us but damn man! The New Year will be here so soon.

This year is the first year that I am not with my biological family for Thanksgiving. I thought it was going to suck ass due to me missing them but so far it’s been great. We (Janna, Michelle and myself) road-tripped it here to Janna’s parent’s home in VA last night and after 8 long hours we made it.

Is it weird that I felt at peace as soon as we crossed into the city limits? I started to see things that reminded me of life before my moving to New York and all of those feelings of sadness and longing for my family began to weigh less heavily.

Day 28 Topic:

I’m so thankful for journey. To be able to build little family here while not forgetting where I’ve come from is so big for me. This is the part of the growing up phase that we so often fail to cherish and hardly ever highlight. The sacrifices we make to live the lives we want to live and be the people we know deep within we are, even if it means traveling halfway across the world to do it is amazing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Got to spend time with my little homie Rylee. She calls me Bamira. I guess she doesn’t see it for Ahmier. Lol.

Myself, Janna, Michelle, Rylee

All denim everything. <3

Day 27: What is killing me to keep around but I’m too comfortable with to let it go?

November 27th, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

You know, this year has been a year of shedding for me. I don’t keep much of anything or anyone around now because I’m too afraid (or too uncomfortable) to let it go. I’ve walked away from friends and possible lovers because they were toxic or simply not growing in the direction that I find myself growing. It was hard at first but as time goes by, I’m okay with and confident about my decisions. I guess if I had to dig internally, I’d have to say that I use my head as a way of keeping me from being as free as I could be. Excuses cancel out my possibilities often and I think I talk myself out of things in order to not reach my greatest potential. Fear. That’s changing though. The fact that I’ve written about this a few times in this challenge lets me see how big of a problem I am to myself and I have to get out of that.

Day 26: What are your strengths?

November 26th, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

Man, listen! I have no problem listing my negatives or even what it is that I may be struggling with at the moment. I struggle though, when it comes time to affirm myself or highlight my strong points. Isn’t it crazy how life’s experiences can condition us to dwell in our mess?


I’m honest. I’m honest with myself about myself. This is a recently developed strength because for the longest I ran far away from myself. And with me being so honest, I gotta tell you that I really have to do some thinking about my strengths.

I’ll come back to this. Please don’t judge me. *Chris Brown voice*

Day 25: What are you lacking?

November 25th, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

I’m lacking courage. Not completely but just enough to push me over the edge of myself. I’m the guy who will get to the finish line and start pedaling backwards and have been this guy for what seems like forever. I don’t know what scares me the most about finishing things. Maybe it’s because once I’m finished with one race, I know that I’ll have another one waiting on me that I’ll have to be quicker for and have more endurance to run. It’s pretty crazy too me when I think about it because at the end of the day, this race of life is never over. I know it’s coming and I know I have to compete so why I keep chickening out is beyond me.

Day 24: What does your presence do to a room?

November 24th, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

I’d like to think my presence adds life to a room. I’m much more of a social person now than I’ve ever been. I grew up in social settings that always made me feel like I was the pink elephant in the room. Because of that I’m extremely mindful of those who are standoffish and to themselves and tend gravitate towards them in attempt to lighten the mood. I like a good energy space so I’m always cracking jokes and giving hugs. I can be a bit of a performance diva too. Some of it is all natural and other times it’s played up a bit simply because I like the stage. I’m pretty sure I have a tendency to make a few people uneasy as well. Not on purpose. It’s just that I’m not shy in the least bit and once I’m warmed up, I’m ready to go. People who walk into rooms thinking they are going to be the only bumble bee present may not like what I bring to the table. Oh. Well.

Day 23: Are you a leader or a follower? What makes you either/or?

November 23rd, 2013

Instructions and more details on this challenge can be found here.

I don’t like rules or conformity. I don’t like following behind others either. I like to make my own path and guide others. I stick to my gut feeling and more often than not, will go left when everyone else is either telling me to go to (or flat-out moving towards) the right. After all, I am made with the same traits as Beyoncé. Stay mad.

Seriously though, I would say that I am more of a leader. Assuming that you haven’t been living under a rock and are at least a bit familiar with astrology, you know that LEOs are usually natural-born leaders. Baby I was born this way!

I like calling the shots and seeing my vision come to life. If I have to take the back seat to do that I will. That’s what leadership is all about, to me anyway. It’s not always being the front man but about making sure that the end goal is met by any means necessary.

A leader is who I am when it comes to my professional and social life but in my personal and romantic life? I’m pretty much the opposite. I’m generally attracted to men who take the lead. I have a bit of a domineering personality so I like for my partner to balance me and that out by keeping me in check from time to time. Don’t we all need a checks and balances system in one capacity or another?